perfectly unsafe

Do you ever have moments when suddenly, the thing that you have wanted seems much, much more daunting than you realized?

 

I think you probably have. Cause I wanted to hang out with those lions real bad… right up until the moment when I realized I would actually have to go through the process of hanging out with them. Claws, teeth and king of the jungle killing abilities included. There were lots of instructions:

  • always approach from behind
  • take a knee. don’t demonstrate dominance
  • pet firmly. soft touches = tickles, aggressive petting = threats
  • if it turns to look at you, offer it the stick to chew on so it doesn’t take your arm

 

Walking with those lions was a beautiful adventure, a perfect balance of staring fear in the face (or grabbing it by the tail) and complete awareness the ability of my next decision and next step have to completely pummel me.

 

Turns out, my hesitancy walking with those lions was a pretty perfect indicator of what was heading my way. Moving from Zambia, impending life decisions, changes and evolutions of relationships, etc. Sometimes it hard to be sure if I really want the things I think I want.

 

So here I am, back in the USA, trying to re-cultivate neglected friendships and familyships. Revisiting old haunts and sorting through all the things these past few yeas have been. Approaching everything with caution, showing no dominance, searching for the perfect touch for otherwise precarious situations, searching for something to offer fear to chew on that isn’t my arm (or hopes or dreams).

 

I’m constantly reminded that safe was never a part of the equation, but goodness is a promise.

 

 

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