reminders

I took a little trip to Nsobe yesterday. I’d guess anyone making a trip to Ndola has probably visited this game park to catch a glimpse of some Zambian wildlife. It was my first time at the park. In fact, apart from lemurs and monkeys, it was my first time …

arachnophobia.

I call him Keyser Soze. I call them all that. They are the spiders that haunt my room (and sometimes my dreams). I am assured that they are harmless- the good kind of spiders that keep Mosquitos away and are as scared of me as I am of them, but I remain skeptical.

I thoroughly check my shower each time I approach, an initially silly concern followed by a morning realization:

Shower Spider

and then that afternoon’s predicament:

 

Is he dead or alive?

Dead or Alive

He was most assuredly not dead.

This I eventually blew away:

Hidden Spider

Literally, I blew on him. I find they really don’t like to be blown upon. I am sure he is now in the deep recesses of my bedroom. Accompanied by all of the others.

There really is an absurdity about how these make me jump and cause me to come around corners with my eyes fixated on their movements, but I like to think this fear is akin to other, more serious matters.

There are bigger, real life fears that lurk around the corners of my life and hide away, spending days and hours convincing me they are gone, invisible or nonexistent only to reveal themselves at an inconvenient moment. Wherever I am, whether in Zambia or otherwise, some of my Keyser Sozes tend to look a lot like loneliness and self worth. And they can be vicious. They can terrorize me, make me tiptoe around them while seeing nothing else. Until I take the time to get close enough, muster up some courage and blow them away.

If only it were always a one time occurrence with immediate results. While in Ndola, I am certain I will have to live with my spiders, I am choosing to live without the other.

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